Bro Commandments

We've all heard about the so called 'Bro Code' and the loyalty ish that makes its regular rounds amongst guys and even girls. One of the many things wrong with the 'Bro Code' is that there's no written evidence that it actually exists, it's just been word of mouth.

Two Bros have generously and thoughtfully taken up that responsibility of compiling a genuine 'Bro Commandment' that should/must be strictly adhered to by all BROS. They are Barney Stinson. If you watch How I Met Your Mother, you'd have an idea of what would happen if 2 Barney Stinsons should come together with their endless codes... 

THE BRO CODE

• Two bros or more shall under no circumstance go to the cinema to watch a chick flick (unless accompanied by the same no of chicks). In which case, they must not share pop corn and/or sit next to each other
• In the event of a chat via instant messaging, bros must desist from using any smiley that expresses affection or any other one with red. (Except wine smiley)
• When bros plan a day at any sports arena or any living room for a crunch rivalry game, DO NOT bring your girlfriend or excuse yourself at any point during the game to answer her call.
• Straws are prohibited at bro gatherings. All bros must take their drinks from the bottle. (Glasses are accepted)
• A bro can admit to crying for a movie IF, AND ONLY if that increases his chances of scoring a chick over 7.5 on the hotness scale
• A bro can rap in the shower. But, singing and dancing is considered a felony worthy of public flogging
• In the event any "term of endearment" is used towards another bro, it must immediately be followed by "No Homo" (no more than 1 second in between)
• Should you stumble upon a girl fight, you must immediately inform any other bro within a 15 block radius from the scene. In the case that there are none, you must record it for later viewing.
• Any Bro that breaks a girl fight must be branded an enemy of Team Testosterone and must henceforth be treated as such.
• NEVER EVER report another bro to authorities and even worse to his mother. If you do that, go buy yourself a skirt and a blouse
• When one bro calls or pings another, he gets straight to the point. NO text messages after dark.
• When a bro tells another bro he jst called to check on him, the bro receiving the call MUST immediately hang up. ( Or risk the same punishment)
• When two or more bros go to the spa, it better be to score the sexy attendant. Even in that case, no mani-pedi or facials permitted
• You must not let a bro get into a fight alone.
• When one bro is a sellout, other bros can discard him only after 3 official warnings or 1 warning involving the entire group. ( I can't use the word "intervention")
• Being a wing man is not an option. You must help a fellow bro score a chick unless it involves you taking her friend/cousin under 4 on the hotness scale. (If she's a 9 or above, take her 100yr old nanny if you have to)
• Where there are up to three bros and no chick, discussing 'sex and the city' or 'single ladies' is off the table.
• If in a blizzard, bros provide warmth for each other, they MUST NEVER mention it ever again
• If a bro takes the side of another bro's girlfriend in a relationship battle, other bros MUST immediately drop sane methods while punishing him.
• When two bros are walking together, holding hands and swinging them, any bro around wit a gun is allowed to carry on
• When two bros are into the same chick, she is automatically illegal for both bros unless she's a perfect 10 on the hotness scale in which case bros MUST come up with a way to BOTH do her.
• Using words such as "fanx" in place of "thanks" is considered a felony punishable by a slap from the nearest bro.
• A bro must always promptly respond to a call for help from another bro unless he is in the company of a chick who is an 8 or above on the hotness scale in which case he is excused.
• Should you stumble upon a gathering of HOT chicks, you must inform any bro within a 15m radius and immediately send an announcement thru the bro-vine
• Two bros are allowed to sleep on the same bed if and only if it is 76in x 80in (super king size) wide (duvet SHOULD NOT be shared)
• A bro should never allow another bro (inebriated or not) to have an affair with a girl who is a 4 or less on the hotness scale
• Any phone call past midnight between bros should never exceed 120seconds (if it's an emergency, cut at intervals)
• A bro is allowed to hug (for 10secs or less) another bro only after scoring a perfect 10 otherwise Hi-Fives and fist bumps ONLY
• Silence must be maintained and no physical contact of any kind (intentional or not) when watchn anything of X-rated content. Keep all comments till at least 2 days later.
• There cannot be "awww" in a conversation involving two bros. If an "awww" is ever spotted both bros are subjected to gender change.
• If a bro shows ANY form of excitement at the sight of another bro's pet, both bros must immediately be expelled from the brohood.
• Bros do not listen to Trey Songz UNLESS and RESTRICTED to Eminem or JayZ featuring on the track.
• Bros play FIFA. If you play PES, you MUST NEVER mention it in the presence of other bros.
• Bros shall not follow, retweet or even acknowledge Ian Somerhalder on any social network.
• In the event one bro winks at another, the winked bro reserves the right to smash the winkee with a bat or stick and must do it no more than 4 seconds after the wink (5 seconds added to find one).
• When a bro blows a kiss, there better be a chick and there must be no other bro along his line of sight.
• Two bros MUST NEVER visit the beach or be caught frenzy within 3 kms of the beach. Where the appropriate number to visit the beach ( 3 or more) has been reached, they can only play beach football. NO horse riding, catcher, catch or any of that. (Unless the ratio of girls has reached AT LEAST 3:2).
• In the rare event a bro scores a perfect 10, all other bros must refer to him as "sir" for 7days whenever in his presence.
• A bro can listen to one Celine Dion song but has to compensate by listening to 10 2pac songs immediately after.
• Bros do not play volleyball. Watching (girls) volleyball is not only allowed but strongly encouraged.
• When a bro breaks any of these codes, the brohood must immediately call a plenary session to discuss his punishment
• Should a bro come accross these commandments and refuse to SHARE or RT, that bro is subjected to stoning to death.

Compiled by @theMaskedCzar & @SarkasticFool

Are you a Bro? Have you found yourself breaking any of these rules? Have you been punished rightly? Do you vow to live by them?

NB:

If you're a guy and you shave your legs, this doesn't concern you.

If you're a guy and you wear tight pants, it doesn't concern you.